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  • Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
  • Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

  • Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
  • Witness: "Yes sir."
  • Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"

  • Lawyer: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
  • Witness: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

  • Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
  • Witness: "Picking them up in the air."
  • Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"
  • Witness: "Attached to the ears."